I swore I'd never do a post like this. I'm hesitant to even write this but I feel compelled to. In the past few months, I've noticed a lot of bloggers and YouTubers doing posts and/or videos about the negative comments they get. I even discovered a forum called "Guru Gossip" that was created solely to make negative and sometimes downright disgusting comments about girls who make fashion and beauty videos on YouTube. I must admit I did check out those forums and what I read gave me an overwhelming sense of sadness. It shocked me that there are girls and women out there who actually take the time to join such a forum and post things that I wouldn't repeat here.
Seeing the nature of the comments in these forums made the message very clear to me---there are a lot of women and girls who become preoccupied with another girl or woman and take out all of their criticisms, judgments and anger out on that person. I've seen it on YouTube and on other blogs I read. They watch their every move, every word, like a vulture, waiting for them to say or do something they can criticize them for. It is incredibly disheartening because I know that these comments can only come from a place of deep, deep sadness and dissatisfaction with one's own self. Please know that I'm not saying that if you say you don't like something about someone it makes you a horrible person, I am talking about people who leave comments with the intention to hurt.
Some of you may notice that I put my blog comments on moderation, which is something I never wanted to do. I think I have been pretty tolerant of the negative comments I get, but everyone has a breaking point and recently, I feel as though mine has been reached. It's hard for me to admit that.
I understand that as a blogger, I put myself out there and that not everyone will enjoy what I have to offer. That's OK with me. I realize I can't please everyone and that people will have various interpretations of me. I've always emphasized that the opinions I care about most are the ones of the people who love me- my family, my husband and my friends. That still holds true.
Blogging has made me develop a much thicker skin than I previously had. Initially, when I got negative or mean comments, yes, they affected me. I wondered why someone would take the time to post something mean instead of just leaving my blog (you know, pressing the big red "X" in the top right corner of their browser). As time went on, I learned to laugh off these comments and take them with a grain of salt- these people posting anonymously don't know me, so what they said didn't matter.
I've come to terms with the fact that with writing this blog comes both the good, the bad and the ugly. I think people have the right to express what they think about my content. However, my blog isn't a forum for hateful, mean and insulting comments. I welcome someone who dislikes many things about me to make their thoughts be known elsewhere---but this is not the place for it.
I have been trashed in some forums before---the comments are always the same:
"she is so insecure"
Seeing the nature of the comments in these forums made the message very clear to me---there are a lot of women and girls who become preoccupied with another girl or woman and take out all of their criticisms, judgments and anger out on that person. I've seen it on YouTube and on other blogs I read. They watch their every move, every word, like a vulture, waiting for them to say or do something they can criticize them for. It is incredibly disheartening because I know that these comments can only come from a place of deep, deep sadness and dissatisfaction with one's own self. Please know that I'm not saying that if you say you don't like something about someone it makes you a horrible person, I am talking about people who leave comments with the intention to hurt.
Some of you may notice that I put my blog comments on moderation, which is something I never wanted to do. I think I have been pretty tolerant of the negative comments I get, but everyone has a breaking point and recently, I feel as though mine has been reached. It's hard for me to admit that.
I understand that as a blogger, I put myself out there and that not everyone will enjoy what I have to offer. That's OK with me. I realize I can't please everyone and that people will have various interpretations of me. I've always emphasized that the opinions I care about most are the ones of the people who love me- my family, my husband and my friends. That still holds true.
Blogging has made me develop a much thicker skin than I previously had. Initially, when I got negative or mean comments, yes, they affected me. I wondered why someone would take the time to post something mean instead of just leaving my blog (you know, pressing the big red "X" in the top right corner of their browser). As time went on, I learned to laugh off these comments and take them with a grain of salt- these people posting anonymously don't know me, so what they said didn't matter.
I've come to terms with the fact that with writing this blog comes both the good, the bad and the ugly. I think people have the right to express what they think about my content. However, my blog isn't a forum for hateful, mean and insulting comments. I welcome someone who dislikes many things about me to make their thoughts be known elsewhere---but this is not the place for it.
I have been trashed in some forums before---the comments are always the same:
"she is so insecure"
"she uses too many products"
"she is so self-absorbed and vapid"
"she is so stupid"
...as you can imagine, the list goes on. It's interesting because one of the reasons I started my blog is because other women gave me the confidence to do so. When I was planning our wedding, I was often "paged" in forums with questions about my hair or makeup. It's flattering, of course, to be asked about these things but I didn't feel right about keeping it on those forums. It got to be overwhelming and other forum members commented on how "annoying" it was that people were always paging me (even though of course, the pages were unsolicited). I wanted to have a place to share my girly stuff, product reviews, inspirations and tips. A place where people could choose to come, if they wanted to.
Before I move on, I have to address the confidence issue. As a young girl and teen, I was bullied and made to feel horrible about myself. I also grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive household with a lot of instability and fear. As you can imagine, I had very low self -confidence back then. Even when I was a model as a teen, I never felt like I was good enough. Much of this was a result of the environment in which I was raised. It has taken me many years of therapy to develop the level of confidence I have now. Part of that is also attributed to my husband- who is so supportive and so understanding and makes me feel so safe...I just can't imagine being able to have the confidence I have now without his incredible support.
I definitely didn't start this blog so I could get "nice comments" to make me "feel better about myself." I already feel great about myself because I am very happy with the life I live, the marriage I have, the career I have, my amazing family and friends...those are the people and things that instill confidence in me. We all have insecurities, but generally I'm the girl who's not afraid to talk to anyone, smiles at everyone and has a confident spirit and will strike up a conversation with just about anyone.
I started blogging because I loved the idea of connecting with a community of women that loved some of the same things I do. I love the supportive and kind nature of the community. It has saddened me lately to see how many bloggers are doing posts of this nature---and now, here I am, doing the same thing.
The blogging community is such an amazing place that it's very difficult for me to understand the negative comments that my blog (and thousands and thousands of others) get. I always wonder to myself "what does someone who posts something like this get out of it?" Surly they must be getting some kind of payoff from it because otherwise, why take the time, right? Today I had someone post a rude comment so I deleted it. The person proceeded to post the same comment over and over about 5 times. I finally put my comments on moderation because I was tired of having to go back and manually delete the comments. How can someone have the time to do something like that over and over, I wondered? Some people are relentless, I guess.
Because I was bullied and abused growing up, I cannot imagine wanting to make anyone, whether I know them or not, feel bad about about themselves. There is plenty of content online that I don't enjoy or feel is ridiculous...but I refrain from commenting because I feel that it brings nothing positive to the world. It would not give me any kind of "payoff" to make mean-spirited comments about other people, so I have no desire to do it. In fact, I'm pretty sure I would feel guilty if I posted something just to get a reaction. I am not saying I have never said anything mean about anyone, ever, I just have learned my lesson and I know it brings nothing to me to do something like that. I always say that when someone posts a mean comment about someone else, it always says more about them than the person they are talking about.
I get a lot of emails from women asking me how I deal with the comments. Like I mentioned before, it has gotten easier as time goes on, but sometimes, yes, they affect me. I've learned to laugh at some of the more ridiculous ones, but when someone makes a wrong assumption or says an outright lie about me, that's more difficult to ignore.
I know this post will generate a lot of comments about how pathetic I am and how I can only deal with getting comments about how "pretty" I am and how "great I dress." That's not true at all. I leave comments up all of the time that are constructively critical. If someone doesn't like my outfit that's OK, people have different aesthetics and senses of style. But, there is a difference between saying "I think that dress would look so much better with a different belt" than "that outfit is so FUG and you don't have any style, I don't even know why you have a fashion blog."
I am comfortable with accepting constructive advice because in many cases I appreciate a different perspective. However, comments that are mean-spirited and rude will just no longer be tolerated---because I don't have to. This is my blog and negativity is not what this space is for. I understand people will keep posting negative things about me on forums, and that's their prerogative. If they want to waste their time discussing the same things about me over and over, that's OK---this just isn't the place to do that.
I'm sorry that I couldn't keep the promise to myself and not do a post of this nature. Sometimes though, it's not a good idea to be silent. Someone can only tolerate so much before they speak out. With all of the stories about bullying and suicides in the news, it saddens me that the online world seems to be on fire with people seeking outlets- anywhere and everywhere to leave hateful comments (and trust me, some bloggers and YouTubers have it much much worse than I do). I don't want this blog to be a part of that which is why I will no longer allow comments that are rude, mean or insulting. I still welcome constructive criticism. I still welcome "I don't really like this outfit" comments. But please, if you're going to write something rude, mean, insulting, hurtful---please know that yes, I'll see it in my inbox, but it won't be posted here for everyone else to have to read.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this overwhelmingly long post and sorry for the rambling. I just had to get this out of my system and move on.
Back to regular blogging tomorrow.
Before I go, I also have to thank and acknowledge the more than 1000 amazing readers I have that have made this experience so incredible for me. Please know that your comments and support mean so much to me. 95% of the time this blog makes me so happy and I feel blessed to have the opportunity to be part of this incredible community, but the small 5% is what I'm addressing here, and hopefully will not have to address again.
xoxo,
Veronika.
"she is so self-absorbed and vapid"
"she is so stupid"
...as you can imagine, the list goes on. It's interesting because one of the reasons I started my blog is because other women gave me the confidence to do so. When I was planning our wedding, I was often "paged" in forums with questions about my hair or makeup. It's flattering, of course, to be asked about these things but I didn't feel right about keeping it on those forums. It got to be overwhelming and other forum members commented on how "annoying" it was that people were always paging me (even though of course, the pages were unsolicited). I wanted to have a place to share my girly stuff, product reviews, inspirations and tips. A place where people could choose to come, if they wanted to.
Before I move on, I have to address the confidence issue. As a young girl and teen, I was bullied and made to feel horrible about myself. I also grew up in an emotionally and physically abusive household with a lot of instability and fear. As you can imagine, I had very low self -confidence back then. Even when I was a model as a teen, I never felt like I was good enough. Much of this was a result of the environment in which I was raised. It has taken me many years of therapy to develop the level of confidence I have now. Part of that is also attributed to my husband- who is so supportive and so understanding and makes me feel so safe...I just can't imagine being able to have the confidence I have now without his incredible support.
I definitely didn't start this blog so I could get "nice comments" to make me "feel better about myself." I already feel great about myself because I am very happy with the life I live, the marriage I have, the career I have, my amazing family and friends...those are the people and things that instill confidence in me. We all have insecurities, but generally I'm the girl who's not afraid to talk to anyone, smiles at everyone and has a confident spirit and will strike up a conversation with just about anyone.
I started blogging because I loved the idea of connecting with a community of women that loved some of the same things I do. I love the supportive and kind nature of the community. It has saddened me lately to see how many bloggers are doing posts of this nature---and now, here I am, doing the same thing.
The blogging community is such an amazing place that it's very difficult for me to understand the negative comments that my blog (and thousands and thousands of others) get. I always wonder to myself "what does someone who posts something like this get out of it?" Surly they must be getting some kind of payoff from it because otherwise, why take the time, right? Today I had someone post a rude comment so I deleted it. The person proceeded to post the same comment over and over about 5 times. I finally put my comments on moderation because I was tired of having to go back and manually delete the comments. How can someone have the time to do something like that over and over, I wondered? Some people are relentless, I guess.
Because I was bullied and abused growing up, I cannot imagine wanting to make anyone, whether I know them or not, feel bad about about themselves. There is plenty of content online that I don't enjoy or feel is ridiculous...but I refrain from commenting because I feel that it brings nothing positive to the world. It would not give me any kind of "payoff" to make mean-spirited comments about other people, so I have no desire to do it. In fact, I'm pretty sure I would feel guilty if I posted something just to get a reaction. I am not saying I have never said anything mean about anyone, ever, I just have learned my lesson and I know it brings nothing to me to do something like that. I always say that when someone posts a mean comment about someone else, it always says more about them than the person they are talking about.
I get a lot of emails from women asking me how I deal with the comments. Like I mentioned before, it has gotten easier as time goes on, but sometimes, yes, they affect me. I've learned to laugh at some of the more ridiculous ones, but when someone makes a wrong assumption or says an outright lie about me, that's more difficult to ignore.
I know this post will generate a lot of comments about how pathetic I am and how I can only deal with getting comments about how "pretty" I am and how "great I dress." That's not true at all. I leave comments up all of the time that are constructively critical. If someone doesn't like my outfit that's OK, people have different aesthetics and senses of style. But, there is a difference between saying "I think that dress would look so much better with a different belt" than "that outfit is so FUG and you don't have any style, I don't even know why you have a fashion blog."
I am comfortable with accepting constructive advice because in many cases I appreciate a different perspective. However, comments that are mean-spirited and rude will just no longer be tolerated---because I don't have to. This is my blog and negativity is not what this space is for. I understand people will keep posting negative things about me on forums, and that's their prerogative. If they want to waste their time discussing the same things about me over and over, that's OK---this just isn't the place to do that.
I'm sorry that I couldn't keep the promise to myself and not do a post of this nature. Sometimes though, it's not a good idea to be silent. Someone can only tolerate so much before they speak out. With all of the stories about bullying and suicides in the news, it saddens me that the online world seems to be on fire with people seeking outlets- anywhere and everywhere to leave hateful comments (and trust me, some bloggers and YouTubers have it much much worse than I do). I don't want this blog to be a part of that which is why I will no longer allow comments that are rude, mean or insulting. I still welcome constructive criticism. I still welcome "I don't really like this outfit" comments. But please, if you're going to write something rude, mean, insulting, hurtful---please know that yes, I'll see it in my inbox, but it won't be posted here for everyone else to have to read.
Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this overwhelmingly long post and sorry for the rambling. I just had to get this out of my system and move on.
Back to regular blogging tomorrow.
Before I go, I also have to thank and acknowledge the more than 1000 amazing readers I have that have made this experience so incredible for me. Please know that your comments and support mean so much to me. 95% of the time this blog makes me so happy and I feel blessed to have the opportunity to be part of this incredible community, but the small 5% is what I'm addressing here, and hopefully will not have to address again.
xoxo,
Veronika.
